I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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