I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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