I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
