I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
