I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
