I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
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