I am midnight drunk by noon
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
