apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
