the condom got lost in my hair
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So. Much. Porn.
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