possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
