Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
