you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need water and some morals
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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