im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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