she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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