I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
