i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
