we're blogging at a bar
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize