She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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