I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
