So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
