last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
