the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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