Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
