So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
