i just had sex bonerless
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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