well I can't set my house on fire every night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
