Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
