I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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