Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
