i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
