it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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