Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
