I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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