That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
