Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
