We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
