why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
