we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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