my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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