overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
