that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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