So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
