She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
