dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
