Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
