So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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