The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
