why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
