So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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