I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
