This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
