Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
