also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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